Guardrails, Growth & Grocery Store Lessons for Self Storage

Andrew Rockoff (00:00)

future of self-storage tech.

Brian (00:00)

It’s important to practice

good hygiene. At least if you want to roll with my team, I’m about to get into some shit that I’ve seen. It’s fool’s breath that smells so bad about your ice cream. They say don’t say nothing if you can’t say nice things. I think that’s all I remember. You guys know about Dell the funky homo sapien though?

Andrew Rockoff (00:15)

I love when you-

I love when you guys deliver great cold openings.

I just feel it now. It’s gonna be such a great episode. Let’s go.

Andrew Rockoff (00:27)

No Vacancy is the self-storage podcast that pulls back the roll-up door on the industry’s most outrageous stories, toughest challenges, and unexpected laughs. Hosted by the team at Access Self Storage, each episode brings together real operators, sharp marketers, and off-the-wall personalities to talk about what really goes on behind the gate code, from crazy tenant tales to hard-won lessons in customer service. It’s raw, unfiltered, and a little irreverent.

just like life in storage.

Brian (01:02)

I’m all chrome all the time, baby. I’m a chrome guy.

Andrew Rockoff (01:06)

Did you used to wear a chrome cologne when you were in ⁓ high school? Everybody was obsessed with that one. No? I mean the ladies loved it. It didn’t work for me, but the ladies did what I’ve been told. They loved it.

Brian (01:07)

Roam.

Chris (01:11)

what’s that?

Brian (01:12)

I never heard of it actually.

Chris (01:16)

No.

Brian (01:18)

Never heard of Chrome.

You

for some folks.

Chris (01:28)

Yeah. Well, don’t feel bad. mean, nothing worked for me either in high school. Whether it was Chrome or Aqua de Geo was the popular one in the ⁓ whole of Philadelphia, especially the Northeast. Yeah, that’s it.

Andrew Rockoff (01:35)

He

I just chalked it up to getting a bad batch.

Brian (01:50)

it.

Chris (01:52)

of the crow-

Andrew Rockoff (01:54)

the Chrome.

Brian (01:55)

Genetics, the Chrome, whatever.

Need more snare.

Chris (02:01)

Yeah, yeah, turn that treble up a little bit. I’ve got two sick children at home today.

Andrew Rockoff (02:10)

Hey you feeling

Chris (02:12)

Much better. But that’s because I kicked it down the road. spread it. Yesterday there were three sick children home with my wife, ⁓ who also has been affected. So, yeah. Yeah. But I’m empty. So the rest of them now have the GI issue.

Andrew Rockoff (02:15)

You

Brian (02:24)

day.

Yeah, that sucks.

Chris (02:35)

Yeah.

Brian (02:36)

Adam developed a bit of a whooping cough over the last couple of days. He woke up hacking. But like no fever, energy level is unaffected, unfortunately. And uh…

Chris (02:48)

You

Brian (02:50)

little… little itchy throat hack. Eh. Sounds like he’s trying to clear a hairball.

I have been telling, maybe because Adam’s an only child or whatever, but I’ve been talking to him a lot lately about, you know, realizing that I’m not

waiter. Not a waiter. I am not here to serve you only, he’ll be on his video game. He’s like, dad, can you give me something to drink? I’m like, no, no, wouldn’t know. Go do it yourself, ⁓

Andrew Rockoff (03:21)

We’ve been getting a lot of

that too. And I’ve been saying to them, well, you have legs. You know, one of the dad responses. But now when I ask for a favor, they’re like, dad, you got legs.

Chris (03:28)

Yeah.

Brian (03:29)

That’s… Yeah.

Chris (03:32)

Yeah. Yeah.

Brian (03:33)

Yep,

Andrew Rockoff (03:33)

Like I do.

I’m also your co-creator.

Brian (03:34)

yep, yep, that’s the double edged sword of the situation. I also have kids. Yeah, co-creator, I love that. ⁓

Chris (03:40)

That’s

right.

Andrew Rockoff (03:44)

All right, let’s get into it.

Chris (03:45)

I feel like the easiest thing, this is kind of a low hanging fruit, but I don’t think anybody’s really paying attention to it, is the customer service training. I feel like the larger the industry gets and the more commoditized the industry is with certain players owning their fair share of the industry.

that the whole customer service part of self storage is going away. So the easiest thing for us to do is to double down on that. To be the provider that cares and that has trained employees who are not only knowledgeable but empowered to help the customer. Because I really think that…

Most frontline employees of self-storage facilities, namely the big companies, are not empowered to escape their policies. They just don’t have the ability. And that’s by design, because they want everything streamlined and the same.

There’s an efficiency to that, I’m sure, but the training and the knowledge of how to handle a tough situation, I think, really helps us in the long run of our length of stay and our…

customer reviews online and it just helps everything. So that’s the clearest path for me to continue to improve the growth of the company is the customer service because the further away that everyone else gets from that, there’s a lane opening.

Andrew Rockoff (05:38)

Yeah.

I was just gonna say that I think the way that we do it has a Has an advantage over the reits because what you’re basically doing is putting your frontline workers in charge of their stores like they own it So they have the ability and it’s almost like their own business So they take a lot more stock in that they take a lot more pride in that and

reviews or anything else that come in are reflected upon what they do and what their staff does for that location and when you have a streamlined approach like a lot of the bigger guys do you don’t get that same buy-in for almost being an owner of your quote-unquote owner of your facility

Brian (06:19)

Yeah, I think that streamlining and having, strict guardrails, you know, you could see how it makes sense when you have hundreds or thousands of properties, but, you know, and that’s not to say that we don’t keep some guardrails intact, right? We have benchmarks for every measurement. we, and we review them weekly, in some cases monthly and,

it keeps everybody kind of in line and understanding, you know, those guardrails, like I said, but, letting them know that it’s not that rigid. You know, you can have the… We trust you and your ability to explain why it was necessary to step outside of those guardrails from time to time. We trust you enough to make those decisions.

I think it pays off in droves for our company culture and the experience that we deliver for the customers. You see this in other businesses too. think what Chris is speaking to about just kind of customer service falling by the wayside and becoming a lesser concern, you know, that’s happening in so many experiences that we have as consumers. you know, so just being really purposeful and conscious.

with the opposite approach and making sure that we’re doubling down in our meetings and just reminding our managers that they are empowered and that they know the best decision to make, they, you know, when in doubt, use the fundamentals to guide your decision making. sometimes it can be as simple as this was the right thing to do. You know,

Where do you guys think outside of storage you’ve seen, what’s the customer experience change over the last however many years that you think has gotten frustrating that you’re like, hey, I gotta do it this way, but I don’t prefer to.

Chris (08:00)

Thank

I think for certain generations and certain people of a mindset, the grocery store is number one. The kiosks have come in everywhere.

there’s so many more lanes open for self-serve, then you have one or two checkouts with an actual person, and the rest of them are self-serve. You know what I can’t stand about that is the lanes that are closed altogether. Right? So you’ve got like 22 self-serve lanes, and you’ve got two with a cashier, but then there’s seven that are closed. And the 22 self-serve lanes have a line.

Why can’t we just open up the other seven? What is the problem?

Andrew Rockoff (08:46)

Yeah, I agree.

Brian (08:47)

because it takes one

person to oversee this 19 self-checkout lanes instead of the seven people to fill those other lanes. But I agree, it’s so frustrating. And then you’re like, now I’m waiting in a 15 minute line to self-checkout. Yeah, so you said exactly what I was thinking. I I guess I’m of that generation where the grocery store does irritate me. You know, if I go into a convenience store, a quick check or a Wawa or whatever, and I’m buying a

Chris (09:04)

Right, to do it myself.

Brian (09:16)

a coffee and a soft pretzel. I don’t even think twice. I have no problem scanning those two things. It feels like it enhances my experience because it lets me go quicker. But at the grocery store, when I got $300 freaking cart full of groceries, I’m like, I’m not equipped for this. I’m not well-trained enough to scan all these groceries and weigh things. No, thank you. Help me out.

Chris (09:35)

Yeah.

Andrew Rockoff (09:41)

I think they,

I don’t think they’ve done a good job of training the customer on how to properly use those Cause I agree with you. And when I go to like stop and shop, if I try and scan, like six cans of soup, right. And I’m just trying to get them all in. If I’m scanning one, then two, and I’m putting, I’m putting both of them down. They’re like, wait.

gotta get this other guy to come over and scan this to make sure that you’re not taking an extra. It’s like a pain in the ass. Like it just doesn’t, doesn’t do it well. And when you’re, Brian’s point, when you have $300 in groceries that you’re trying to get in and out it’s supposed to be easy and quick and it takes way longer for me to do that than for me to go to a person who knows what the hell they’re doing.

Chris (10:15)

Yeah.

Yeah, and if you forget your bags, they charge you for a bag now. Give me a free bag. I’m doing all the work myself. Just give me the bag. I forgot my bag. I got a thousand of them in the closet. I really don’t want your new bag. But that is, again, I would take that as an opportunity.

You know, McCaffrey’s, right? guys, Brian, you have McCaffrey’s in your area. Andrew, not sure if you have McCaffrey’s in your area, but it’s more of a regional, smaller grocery store. Doesn’t have everything. Doesn’t have the biggest selection because it’s a smaller footprint. And it may be a little pricier, but you are gonna get customer served out the wazoo. And…

Brian (10:56)

Mm-hmm.

Chris (11:17)

You know, it’s a decent experience. I would say the same thing at Trader Joe’s. Now, taking children to the Trader Joe’s on a Sunday is bringing your life in your own hands and you can’t find a parking spot, but their customer service is driving their growth.

Brian (11:32)

Yeah, they don’t have self-checkout lanes at all. Honestly, I can’t recall ever going into one of those and seeing a lane even closed. Maybe in the middle of the day, but most of the time, every lane is staffed and ready to go. And I don’t know what they do with the bells, but they got bells, and that’s fun.

Chris (11:35)

No.

Yeah.

Yeah, I’m not sure about the bells either. You’re right, they ring them sometimes.

Brian (11:53)

They got a system. ⁓

Chris (11:54)

That’s a really good example of a window that somebody is seeing and really making it work for them. Their products are good, it’s all their own stuff, and they’re growing. mean, at the Amazon Fresh store that we’ve had in town for two or three years, they’re closing because nobody is really feeling the, gotta do all this myself.

there’s nobody there.

Brian (12:24)

What I’ve heard is was

interesting about those stores though. And I’ve only talked to maybe one or two people who told me they actually experienced it. didn’t they have the model where there is no checkout? Like somehow with their cameras or whatever, they know what you took. What do you scan your Amazon account on the way in and then they’re like, we’re just gonna charge you for everything you took when you’re on the way out. I’ve had a few people telling me, they’re like, it just feels weird. It feels like you’re stealing because you’re walking out without paying anything and then they email you your receipt.

Chris (12:35)

some of them.

Yeah, some of them do that.

Yeah. It’s like a…

Andrew Rockoff (12:50)

SNL did a skit

I think that would be easier because you’re not, you’re not needing to deal with the technology of checking out at all. It’s just, I think that is just getting people used to the fact that you can walk into a store and take stuff.

Brian (13:04)

Access Self Storage, we get it. Moving sucks. Put it on a t-shirt. Moving sucks. We know. We can help. I promise we can help you. You know, I told customers this all the time and you can see it in their eyes sometimes, right? They’ll walk into our store and they’re just overwhelmed. They’re coordinating this project. Sometimes it’s with a mover. Sometimes they have to rent a truck. They gotta pack. They have to label. They gotta move.

Chris (13:10)

That’s

Brian (13:32)

If you’re doing it yourself, it extra sucks because things are heavy and you’re going to damage your furniture. That bed is never going to be the same again now that you’ve taken it apart and have to put it back together. just remembering that our customers are going through something that’s a pain. It’s a pain in the butt right now to deal with. And just trying to reassure them that, hey, I’ll make this part easy for you. We got you on this part. Here you go. The key is handled.

I can get you a truck for a really good rate or free to move in. We’ve got a unit that’s gonna work for you. You tell me what you’ve got, I’ll tell you what size you need. We become the expert. If they are looking for a mover, we can refer them to a reputable company in the area. We just become that solution-based interaction instead of, god, I talked to these guys and now I have more questions than answers.

That’s the tone that we need to set and that we do set that set us apart. It’s very different than, ⁓ you got $300 worth of groceries? Figure it out, guy. And I also hate, Andrew, when you’re scanning out your own groceries. And like you mentioned, there’s always this little delay when you’re scanning multiples of the same item. They’re like, no, this must be a mistake. You didn’t mean to scan your can of Campbell’s twice. And you’re like, I got six of these. Yes, I did. I meant to.

Andrew Rockoff (14:48)

Yeah.

Chris (14:51)

Yeah man, I got a cat. I need like 37 cans of frisky. Jesus.

Brian (14:55)

Right? Exactly.

Andrew Rockoff (14:57)

It says six cans for five bucks. Yeah, I meant it.

Brian (15:02)

Right? Just let me push a number six, scan it once, and call it a day. Come on. But yeah, anyway.

Andrew Rockoff (15:09)

You know what is really great though is those

like, I don’t wanna say guns, but the QR code. Shooters, the pew pews.

Brian (15:19)

Pew pew, the pew pew.

Chris (15:21)

haven’t been able to engage with one of those because when I type in my phone number it says that I’m not registered for the pew pew.

Andrew Rockoff (15:28)

You shouldn’t have to register. You should just be able to walk in, grab one of those, scan everything, and then like scan whatever that is and everything comes up.

Chris (15:36)

wants to connect to my ⁓ price plus card or whatever.

Andrew Rockoff (15:40)

which is fantastic and if you have a Price Plus card, good for you. Maybe we’ll give you a little off your bill at the end. But it shouldn’t just be for people who are Price Plus members. Pew pew.

Chris (15:46)

of the tab. Yeah.

Brian (15:48)

that free turkey.

Chris (15:53)

So you pew pew and you

immediately put it in the bag as you’re walking around the store, like you bag it up. Yeah, but you have the bags, right? Because you have to bring in your bags. So you scan the thing. Yep, pew pew. Your bag is in the cart. So you put the scanned item in the bag.

Andrew Rockoff (15:59)

in your cart. Well yeah I guess you could put it in a bag. Yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah. Pew pew.

Chris (16:17)

You’re done shopping, you go to the register, you hand over your pew pew, you do whatever you have to do with that thing, and you’re off to the races. Is that correct?

Andrew Rockoff (16:26)

Yeah, I think that’s generally how it works.

Brian (16:29)

I think you’ve got the order of operations a little backwards here. mean, do you scan stuff before you shop? I don’t understand what we’re talking about. Isn’t this like at CheckApp?

Chris (16:29)

I gotta write a letter.

Andrew Rockoff (16:37)

No, you pick up the pew pew

Chris (16:38)

as you

go. No, it’s a pew pew as you go in. Yeah.

Andrew Rockoff (16:39)

as you’re walking in with your cart. Yeah. And then as you pick up those six cans of soup, pew, pew, pew.

Chris (16:50)

You put them in the bag, which is in the cart.

Brian (16:53)

I mean that would be great, but I’ve never experienced a grocery shopping situation where that is the way it goes.

Andrew Rockoff (17:01)

You have a stop and shop near you? Yeah. Go experience the pew pew.

Chris (17:01)

Yeah, stop and shop, yeah.

Brian (17:07)

I like it. I only use it when I’m too lazy to pick up that 40 pack of bottled water underneath the cart You know and I’m like I can’t do that again save my back use the pew pew At the checkout yeah, yeah the checkout pew

Chris (17:18)

at the checkout. Sure, Now this

Andrew Rockoff (17:18)

Yeah. Sure.

but Dave.

Chris (17:22)

is a wireless pew pew that you take around the store like you’re scanning the inventory for them almost.

Andrew Rockoff (17:24)

Yeah.

Brian (17:24)

Ayo. Wow.

Andrew Rockoff (17:28)

and then you get

your kids involved.

Brian (17:29)

Interesting. Interesting.

Andrew Rockoff (17:33)

Well, I guess there’s, I mean, you could walk out of there with a bill way higher than you want it to be. Or you put them in charge, give them a little responsibility, walk around, pew pew what we got here. Let’s go.

Brian (17:46)

And then you’re gonna end up with like 800 pounds of KitKats.

Chris (17:46)

Remember

Brian (17:51)

Let your kid do it. Candy aisle!

Andrew Rockoff (17:52)

but it’s a fun day out, Brian.

Could you imagine? Actually, I could imagine.

Chris (17:59)

i could, and i’m so thankful

that you’re blaming the child rather than me with the real problem

Andrew Rockoff (18:05)

Go ahead, go

pew pew.

but another example,

Brian (18:08)

Yeah.

Andrew Rockoff (18:10)

when you have to talk to communication companies, like if you need to call Verizon and they’re AI voice agents the agents that they use before you get to a real person make it so difficult and they’re a communications company. it’s kind of, you think they’d have that on point.

But that’s another technology that’s creeping into our industry has real benefits, but needs to be vetted You can’t just like set it and forget it.

And it seems like some of these companies are just setting it and forgetting it.

Chris (18:47)

I agree. And everybody’s looking for the next big thing, but forgetting the small old stuff. I read something recently where it was like, what if we just went back to the design of appliances from the 60s and 70s and they would work for 40 years again?

where the new appliances work for seven to 10 years and that’s it. Because people are forgetting the water cooler. People are forgetting to have a large amount of carts inside your buildings. These things are so easy to differentiate yourself. And that’s what matters to the customer.

Andrew Rockoff (19:31)

And we will be right back.

Andrew Rockoff (19:34)

Thinking about third party management, Access Self Storage has been leading the Northeast for over 50 years. We don’t just manage buildings, we grow communities, increase performance, and help owners win in their local markets. Your property deserves a partner, not just a logo.

Andrew Rockoff (19:56)

Now back to the show.

Chris (20:00)

Do you have a drawer dedicated for their plates, bowls, and cups that they can easily access? Because we do, and it still doesn’t prevent them from making the request. And my immediate response is, I’m sorry, I didn’t know your legs were broken.

Andrew Rockoff (20:18)

Yeah, we do.

easy as

Brian (20:22)

You know,

we’ve moved all the snacks down to his level. That was a good, I don’t know, maybe I got that from you, but I realized what a difference that should make. But I think he’s still asking for like decision making, you know? He’s like, well, I don’t know what to have, so just give me whatever you think I should eat. I don’t care, just get anything. But he also is used to, you know, being told.

Chris (20:40)

Oh, that’s It’s a sharp…

Brian (20:47)

being told no often because he’s like no you already had enough sugar for the day so steer clear of that.

Andrew Rockoff (20:53)

Maybe there’s brilliance in that question. Whatever you think, Dad. Whatever you’re gonna grab. Why don’t you grab me one too?

Brian (21:00)

Yeah.

Hook me up. Hook me up.

Chris (21:01)

You show up with a plate of celery sticks.

He’s like what the fuck, man?

Brian (21:06)

Yeah, some ants on a log.

Andrew Rockoff (21:09)

you

Chris (21:12)

You like your ants with peanut butter or cream cheese?

Brian (21:16)

I grew up with a celery and cream cheese, no ants.

Then I got a little intolerant of the lactose, so that can’t happen anymore. Whomp, whomp.

Andrew Rockoff (21:27)

Did you transition over to the peanut butter?

Brian (21:28)

RIP my gut

No, I just ditched celery completely. What do mean? Yeah, like that. Yep, peanut butter on a spoon.

Chris (21:31)

Ha ha ha!

Andrew Rockoff (21:34)

I’m

Brian (21:44)

We bought our first, in Adam’s lifetime, our first jar of fluff recently. guess he’s been watching a YouTuber who’s a… No, we’re pacing ourselves, we’re being pretty good, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t stick a spoon in there once or twice. It’s alright, it’s not as exciting as I kind of remember.

Chris (21:52)

Yeah.

Andrew Rockoff (21:53)

That guy was a gun.

little Nutella on that bad boy.

yourself a day.

Brian (22:12)

You

can put a Nutella on a shoe and I’ll eat it.

Chris (22:14)

Mm-hmm.

Brian (22:16)

so I think just keeping the mindset right of just putting yourself in the customer’s shoes walk through their experience as if you’ve never been here before ⁓ Make it easy for them

Chris (22:25)

Yeah, I mean, another one is some type of third party truck affiliation. I’m not necessarily saying to get your own truck because you might not see a whole lot of return on that. Monetarily speaking, it might be a drain, but every truck rental place wants to be in your neighborhood.

and to make it a one-stop shop where the customer doesn’t have to go rent a truck at eight o’clock in the morning and then come to you at nine o’clock to fill out the rental agreement. Just having it all in one place. It really helps. That could be the difference between 20 rentals and 30 rentals in a month.

Brian (23:10)

You know, there’s other examples, more less, less so of systems, but more so, I guess, of good processes, just things that are employees who are really on the ball and make sure that they keep top of mind all the time. And, you know, it may sound simple, but one of the things it’s one of our fundamentals to a, we call it be a fanatic about response time. but for them, the habit really is just making sure that no voicemail, no email.

no contact point from a customer goes left unanswered, right? Like the benefit of having the people at the ready that we have, like Chris mentioned, is that we could provide that excellent service. And that means a real human getting back to you in a timely manner. know, so many large companies, you try to contact them for any type of support and you just feel like you’re screaming into the void. You your issue has fallen into the abyss and will never be addressed again.

And so it’s such a simple opportunity and such a simple obligation, you know, for a business to their customers to just get back to them, respond, respond well and take a genuine interest in a genuine accountability for yourself to get back to them and address their concern or their issue, whatever it is. I think we do a great job of that overall. think our

All of our employees know to treat a customer interaction with a sense of urgency, sometimes, I think as it says in our fundamental description, sometimes it’s just getting back to them with, I’ll get back to you with more information when I can have it ⁓ and not just leaving somebody hanging.

I just think that’s the difference between a world-class customer service, a company like us with a high net promoter score, and somebody who’s, and the opposite of that.

Chris (24:55)

Yeah, I like to treat it as a race. mean, you know, especially for a lead, like this is the finish line. Getting that person to rent is the finish line. And we have all the other touch points. You know, if a lead comes in.

They’ll get a text message. They will get an email. They’ll get all of that But they’ll also get a phone call from a real person in their town who knows what the weather is right now and You know knows where all the places to help this person are And has a good sense of what it’s gonna take to get them in

And we just drill that down from day one. Check your email all the time, constantly. Be present in your office. Do your cleaning at certain times of day. You know when the traffic is coming in. We’ve done all the research about that. We have all the reports as to when all the traffic is coming in. So be smart about all the other stuff that you have to do. And always be ready for customer service.

Brian (25:56)

the internal note taking there matters a lot too. The communication among the team members. Maybe we’ve all done this over the years. I probably have fallen into the trap too of ⁓ relying heavily on sticky notes or something like that. But a number of years ago we tried to develop a tool that was just like a daily communication log.

for our teams to use just so that at shift change or even just from one day to the next day, you’re kind of notating the happenings, you’re notating your patrols on the property, you’re making sure that if there’s a lingering customer issue that didn’t get resolved or completely put to bed on Monday, that whoever is at that desk Tuesday morning knows what’s going on. ⁓ the phrase that I used to use with my…

with my team in person is let’s just make sure that we don’t make each other look stupid. Customers hate nothing more than having to repeat themselves. It’s so frustrating if you’re experiencing a difficulty as a customer to have to keep telling that, ⁓ okay, well, I’ll just transfer you. And then you gotta tell your whole story again to the next guy. my God, it’s infuriating. it’s a hurdle that we can remove really easily by just being better at communicating with each other.

Andrew Rockoff (27:14)

And I think that gets lost in so many industries, right? you call the doctor’s office, you speak to the person on the phone that’s gonna connect you to the nurse and they take down all the, you know, they ask what’s going on, how can I help you? And then you get connected to the nurse in the actual office and they’re like, all right, what’s going on? How can I help you? And you know that they have a robust way to take notes as well. And it’s the same thing when you call Verizon.

Brian (27:20)

great example.

Andrew Rockoff (27:39)

You know, here’s my issue, my internet’s not working. Then they’re like, let me connect you to the tech team. And they asked for the same freaking thing all over again. but to have something so small and simple, but can be so impactful from a customer standpoint. mean, could you imagine calling Verizon and then, you know, telling what the issue is, connect you to the technical team and they’re like, all right, we see you have, you know, this, this, and this, let’s see where we can get started rather than tell me the story again.

Chris (28:06)

Yeah.

Setting your teammates up for success is the best way to do it because you’re right.

Half the people are moving in for not the greatest reason in the world. How many times do you want to tell a stranger why you’re moving in here? Nobody wants to keep rehashing their difficulties. So if you, as the second touch point, can make that connection where your teammate lets you know in notes, hey, here’s the situation, here, and gives you a sense of how to deal with it before you

you’re on the phone, it’s a home run. It is a simple, easy home run. You have made that connection, that person’s gonna rent with you because they believe that you understand before they’ve even walked in that door and they can, I mean, they can put their stuff anywhere.

Andrew Rockoff (29:27)

Now back to the show.

Andrew Rockoff (29:30)

So Lee was driving them to school yesterday and Kayden was a little anxious going in and then and then all of sudden Bryce from the back is like, mom, does it hurt to wear clothes when you have a lot of hair on your body? And she starts laughing and she’s like, I have no idea. And he just goes shaving the chest.

And they got home from school yesterday and the two of them are sitting in Where we have their ps5 setup in there gaming with each other just going

That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Brian (30:23)

You

Andrew Rockoff (30:26)

Yeah

Chris (30:27)

Do you think one day you’re

just gonna find them in the restroom together? Like covered in Barbasol cream?

What? What, Dad? What?

Andrew Rockoff (30:44)

Is this weird?

Chris (30:46)

Yeah, I don’t want my gloves to hurt my hair.

Andrew Rockoff (30:50)

Should we be shaving each other’s

chests?

Chris (30:51)

You gotta remain aerodynamic, Dad.

Brian (30:53)

slippery like a seal.

So what was the question he asked again?

Andrew Rockoff (30:58)

Does it hurt when you wear clothes and you have lot of hair on your body?

You

Brian (31:08)

What I think is interesting is the opportunity there to describe to him how It doesn’t hurt when you have hair, but it certainly feels really weird to put clothes on after you’ve removed your hair You know that

Andrew Rockoff (31:20)

Yes.

Chris (31:21)

like it’s floating

on top.

Brian (31:23)

How that t-shirt feels touching your skin after you’ve removed the barrier. It’s really fucking weird.

Andrew Rockoff (31:26)

a hydroplaning shirt. ⁓

Chris (31:33)

Gonna need some cream for that area afterwards. It’s like the Dickens.

Andrew Rockoff (31:33)

You

Brian (31:39)

This is a funny story that you guys, you have to promise me you won’t put on this podcast. It’s so weird. So when I was like in my twenties, ⁓ I had a friend who, ⁓ who had a lake house and we would go up there every summer for at least a week, sometimes a couple of times for a week. ⁓ one time my sister-in-law and her boyfriend at the time came with and we were both, you know, lamenting our

Andrew Rockoff (31:45)

You have my word.

Brian (32:08)

body hair and somebody brought a bottle of Nair and just we decided that before we would jump in the lake we were just a couple of bros we would just you know help each other out with the the unreachable back portions you know so the the women come outside and see us just ⁓ applying a hair removal cream to each other’s backs and then just sitting there on the porch while it does its

Chris (32:33)

Hehehehehe

Brian (32:37)

well, it does its chemical burn of our follicles.

Andrew Rockoff (32:39)

Yeah,

seven to 10 minutes, sure.

Brian (32:42)

And then just, yeah, yeah, see, he knows, this guy knows. And then we just jumped into the lake afterwards and probably killed a few species of fish, I would imagine.

Andrew Rockoff (32:44)

Wait, what?

Chris (32:56)

So my, my Nair story, I have no problem with you putting this.

Andrew Rockoff (32:57)

Couple of bros narrowing it out.

Chris (33:09)

So

Brian (33:09)

way more secure than I am.

Chris (33:12)

My wife and I are dating at the time and she, her parents are having like a July 4th barbecue and this was the first time that I was meeting most of the family and they have a pool and this was like I guess almost 15 years ago. So they have a pool and it’s gonna be a barbecue and the whole thing.

So I say, I think I say, unfortunately, you know, I got kind of a hairy back here and you know, I’m meeting these people for the first time. Maybe they don’t want to meet such an ogre, you know, the first time. Can you help me out? And I’ve never, I had never done anything like this before, never used the product. So she said,

So she want me to nair your back and I said, yeah, I think so. So we’re in her parents’ house like two hours before people start arriving in like the guest bathroom. And she’s like applying this nair to my back and we’re waiting the seven to 10 minutes and there’s that smell and you know, it gets a little…

Brian (34:29)

It’s a very distinct smell.

Andrew Rockoff (34:31)

Yeah, yeah.

Brian (34:31)

You never really forget that smell.

Chris (34:32)

It’s a little, yeah,

yeah, regret. It’s mostly regret. Shame and regret. So, and then, you know, if you leave it on too long, it’s getting a little warm. It’s ⁓ bubbling up more than it should. So, we’re in her parents’ closed bathroom door, because it’s gross, and she’s wiping my back and seeing, you know, the results.

Andrew Rockoff (34:34)

I love that the three of us know that.

Brian (34:35)

Yeah, shame.

Smells like shame.

you

Chris (35:00)

And all she, I mean if you were outside, all she would hear is, that looks good.

Brian (35:06)

UGH! UGH!

So smooth.

Andrew Rockoff (35:10)

You

Chris (35:14)

So like… ⁓

Andrew Rockoff (35:17)

Where do

you want me to put all of this?

Chris (35:21)

I go out to the party, like my skin, you know, like this pale ⁓ Irish American guy, and my skin is not used to the chemical burn. So three hours after I burn my skin off, we’re out in the sun. It’s like one of the worst sunburns I’ve ever gotten because all of my back is now exposed to the full sun where the hair was protecting me like some type of ape.

Brian (35:47)

Yeah.

Chris (35:50)

And yeah, that was how I met her entire family. All slick and aired up in the back.